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Diagnostic Essay Opening Paragraphs ENG 110 College Writing II  - Spring 2012 other pages welcome | course | case | syllabus | reports

introductory paragraphs

hook, thesis statement, context, preview

The first paragraph or two of any essay needs to accomplish several things. At a bare minimum, it must contain a thesis statement, that is, a sentence or several sentences that are the main assertion, the statement of what the essay is organized to help the reader understand.

In addition to this thesis statement, the introduction should do several other things. It should make a conscious attempt to provoke or capture the reader's interest, what I'm calling a hook. The introduction should show that the writer has a sense of the larger context that the situation exists in. And finally, the introduction should preview the organization of the essay's body sections.

What are you going to use to capture the reader's attention? You know who the reader is, the questions he/she has, the decision that he/she needs to make or the problem to solve. What might catch his/her interest, might tell him/her, oh, this essay sounds interesting because it may address this decision that I have to make? Of the many things that could hook that reader, what will you use?

Here are a couple of examples of hooks that I heard myself saying or writing in connection with this course:

What's it like to bury your little brother, dehydrated from diarrhea? What about burying your little sister, downed by pneumonia?

By weight and volume, opium is more valuable than oil. Plus delicate pink flowers are more pleasant to look at than dirty old oil wells.

If these were the opening sentences of an essay, you would want to read more. The first one addresses infant mortality rates. The second addresses the economy of Afghanistan, for whom the opium poppy is the major cash crop.

The context is the way you further solidify your standing with the reader. Let them know that you know where they're coming from (the context of their problem or decision).

Here's a contextual follow-up for the first hook:

Given the infant morality rates in Sudan and Afghanistan, refugees from those countries are likely to have stood at those gravesides. If not their own sibling, the exhausted little body in the grave will be a cousin or friend's little brother or sister. In Afghanistan, there are twice as many of those graves as in Sudan.

For the second example, you could follow your hook with this bit of context:

Millions of those pink flowers every year make Afghanistan the world's largest producer of poppies, their major cash crop. The poppy farmers are anti-Taliban because the Taliban is anti-poppy. U.S. soldiers, also anti-Taliban, have at times guarded poppy fields against Taliban raiders. Those poppies end up as heroin in the U.S.

The final thing that will get the reader to read the essay is your promise of what they'll get out of it. This is your thesis statement.

To continue the infant mortality example, , a thesis statment might be:

Even so, considering also the overall living conditions and the prospects those conditions create for the future, Sudan is the more wretched of these two refugee-producing countries.

To continue the Afghan example

Any country that can get an invading American army to protect the supply of one of America's favorite addictive drugs tops the list of moral cesspools that make Afghanistan a fascinating country to write songs about. However, Eritrea has a similarly complex moral situation involving human rights abuses that puts it in a close second place on that list.

I put these model introductions after yours in the section below.

your introductory paragraphs - January 2012

When asked to compare two countries to find the worst, there were many different I looked at. Some of these things included the size of the country, the amount of people in the space, religion, languages, quality of life, births, and health care problems. I was surprise to find that I didn’t have much opinion on the two countries. I wanted to check my resources to make sure that the facts were going to be what made up my mind.

Throughout the years many countries have battled through the struggles that we Americans have not yet experienced. Two countries stand out to have the most struggled economy along with the hardships faced by their people. With problems of hunger, poor living conditions, disease, sanitation, regional conflicts and the lack of education.  These countries are Somalia and Afghanistan.

Throughout recent years many countries around the world have struggled to thrive. Countries like Iran and Ethiopia have fought to establish their place in the world. Both of these countries have gone through economic and political changes, with hopes of bettering their society. Still today many of the people who live in these countries still suffer every day, and many make the decision to leave their homeland. Iran and Ethiopia are just two of many countries today struggling to survive.

Throughout our world we see many beautiful, unique countries. Every country in this world is different and has diversity. The countries seem more contrasting compared to your familiar country. Although we don’t know the background of the country, it is good to familiarize yourself with different cultures.

Both countries in Africa, my opinion, have huge problems compared to the ones I live with in America so I am not the one to compare which ones are worst then the other but base on the information that was collected the country of Sudan was the worst that stuck out to me compared to the country of Somalia because base on three categories, that in my opinion are what determines how the country is doing. Sudan was the worst in two of the three categories. The three categories are governmental stance, health issues, and GDP and GDP per capita as a whole.

Iran and Afganistan are two very different countries that may seem the same but aren’t. These are the reasons why. Afganistan has a unitary state, Islamic republic while Iraq has just a Islamic republic. If they break a major law they may have retainers of capital punishment or the death penalty. It is illegal for both countries to drink at any age.

My lyrics and songs have greatly impacted many people around the world, even in the worst possible parts of the world. I greatly specialize in my lyrics about war and justice, expressing my feelings that I believe all people should have some sort of justice and that war should be discontinued. I would really appreciate and be grateful if I could give something phenomenal back to the community. I have been offered to take my camera and my crew to one of six countries that have refugee camps all over the world. The two countries that I have chosen are Somalia and Sudan.

Between Iran in the Mid-East and Ethiopia that’s located on the Horn of Africa, it’s a fact that Ethiopia is the worst country between the two. Actually looking and understanding the data from the Tolearn.net website you can see how Ethiopia can be considered the worst country between the two. By saying the worst I define it as low on education, food, shelter, and land while the population is enormous. Not saying that Iran is paradise because it also has its cons and problems, but it doesn’t actually compare to Ethiopia.

Everyone knows all around the world that Ethiopia and Somalia are feuding. The important question for years has been why? Whats the reason for the feuding of the two countries? The reason seems to be a fight against Al-Shabab.

Ethiopia and Sudan are two neighboring countries with a lot of history. Both have suffered wars fighting for independence and what they believe is right. As and established r&b artist I have a chance to visit and perform, out my options I have narrowed it down to Ethiopia and Sudan.

As citizens of The United States we have been offered so many things that many other countries have not. Countries like Sudan and Afghanistan have not been given the same opportunities. We have been given living conditions, food, a cure for many diseases, education and a country with not many conflicts and we’ve taken them for granted over the years. Sudan and Afghanistan have had to constantly struggle for what we have experienced throughout our lifetime. This is why refugees from these two countries are coming to the United States.

As a musician I am interested in the life style of other countries and the reality of their life style and what they have to deal with. There are 6 countries that gave permission to me and my crew to come in with cameras to record my music about the country. But the two that caught my attention of being the worse are Afghanistan and Iraq. I think these two countries are the worst because what they have gone through and what they are going through currently. Some of the things they have gone through have and are stilling going through are: wars, disease, and economic issues. To help better understand these two countries and to pick which one is worse to my crew and I we did some research about both of them.

In the year 2010 The United States had 264,600 refugees. These are people who have come to this country because the country they were born in has become so unbearable they've chosen to leave family, friends, and familiar surrounding in belief that this is the only chance they have to survive. Sudan and Myanmar are just two of many. I'm going to talk about Sudan and Myanmar's population, child and woman mortality rate and health care.

Here are my model intros from above. The audience I had in mind was the same as yours, Medaille students.

What's it like to bury your little brother, dehydrated from diarrhea? What about burying your little sister, downed by pneumonia?Given the infant morality rates in Sudan and Afghanistan, refugees from those countries are likely to have stood at those gravesides. If not their own sibling, the exhausted little body in the grave will be a cousin or friend's little brother or sister. In Afghanistan, there are twice as many of those graves as in Sudan. Even so, considering also the overall living conditions and the prospects those conditions create for the future, Sudan is the more wretched of these two refugee-producing countries.

By weight and volume, opium is more valuable than oil. Plus delicate pink flowers are more pleasant to look at than dirty old oil wells. Millions of those pink flowers every year make Afghanistan the world's largest producer of poppies, their major cash crop. The poppy farmers are anti-Taliban because the Taliban is anti-poppy. U.S. soldiers, also anti-Taliban, have at times guarded poppy fields against Taliban raiders. Those poppies end up as heroin in the U.S.Any country that can get an invading American army to protect the supply of one of America's favorite addictive drugs tops the list of moral cesspools that make Afghanistan a fascinating country to write songs about. However, Eritrea has a similarly complex moral situation involving human rights abuses that puts it in a close second place on that list.

modified: February 2012
by Douglas Anderson
http://toLearn.net/eng110/diagnosticessay.htm